music.

as previously mentioned, i finally put my iTunes on my computer.
sadly, it didn't copy over all of the info so i have to go through all of the songs and check them one by one.
then again, its not sad.
listening to all of these songs bring back so many memories.
the one i want to talk about right now though is choir.
and this song.

this song has always had a special place in my heart.

setting: choir tour. junior year. san diego.
the previous easter i was taken to the hospital due to severe pains.
these pains followed me on tour.
we were on our fancy little cruise ship when the disaster struck.
i felt pretty faint and couldn't walk.
once the boat docked i had to be carried to the bus.
in the process i was screaming and crying... embarrassing.
once on the bus i calmed down a little and remember feeling numb while i sat by my mom and told her what was hurting.
then i don't remember much...
from what i've been told i passed out on the bus.
i was carried into the hotel by two very nice gentleman.
because we had such a big group there was quite a line to get into the elevators.
and of course i was in the back.
they carried me through the mass of teenagers and onto the elevator.
once again, embarrassing.
[i was kicking and screaming too... but i don't remember anything]
i finally made it up to my mom's room where i was supposed to stay the night but good news.
she didn't have a room key.
they dropped me off in someone elses room and rushed to get DeHaan.
[still kicking and screaming. and crying. and losing control.]
they finally got into my mom's room and that's when i woke up.
totally fine.
my mom talked to me to keep me calm then DeHaan rushed into the room.
and i lost it again.
he left for a second and brought back a dad chaperone and gave me a blessing.

how cool is it that my choir teacher was able to give me a blessing when i needed it so badly?

i calmed down once again and next thing i know i was fast asleep.

next morning.

competition day.

i was pretty exhausted and really weak but i was in no pain whatsoever. 

i had a hard time standing which made being on stage almost unbearable but i did it.

and i am so glad i did.

we warmed up and sang our first song.

i felt queezy so i just mouthed everything.

then we sang this.

i thought i had a connection with this song already but wasn't ready for the full affect.

we started as usual and i felt like i should sing along.

i felt every note and meant every word.

at the last note DeHaan just paused.

looked at me.

nodded his head.

smiled.

and released his arms.

the song was over.

and it would forever be inplanted in my mind.

i know i wasn't dying that night and that i wasn't being carried away to my death.

but the song.

somehow with the whole experience from the night before, i found a stronger connection.

Charm me asleep and melt me so... that being ravish'd hence i go away in easy slumbers. Ease my sick head and make my bed. Thou power canst sever from me this ill.  And quickly still though thou not kill my fever.  Fall on me like a silent dew or like those maiden showers.  Which by the peep of day do strew.  A baptism o'er the flowers. Melt, melt my pains with thy soft strains; That having ease me given with full delight I leave this light and take my Flight.  For heaven.

these words are so powerful and peaceful all at the same time.  i know no one will ever experience it the way i did that day but i hope maybe you can see a little bit why i love music so much.  simple words with simple movements.  it all makes a big statement.

music.

i love it.